Only You
by criesofthefallen
Summary: Spencer Reid does not have many regrets. But one regret he would always have was not having the courage to face the world and let them know he was in love. Instead he ran away, just like he always did.


MorganxReid Slash

Author: CriesOfTheFallen

Summary: Spencer Reid does not have many regrets. But one regret he would always have was not having the courage to face the world and let them know he was in love. Instead he ran away, just like he always did. Only this time there would be no one coming after him.

Disclaimer: I do not own a thing. Well except the idea and any character you do not recognize.

Warning: Slash. If you do not know what that means it is safe to say you are not in love with the idea. Read at your own risk.

Author's Note: I have never written anything for Criminal Minds and so have no idea how this will go. I truly hope you enjoy this and review if you are able. Depending on the popularity of this I might add in a chapter for Morgan. If you want it let me know, if you do not it will die amongst the rest of my finished, unfinished, and half-finished works-_-,….that said please enjoy.

------------------------------------------------

It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining brightly and the breeze was just right. The faint chirping of birds could be heard in the background and the fragrant smell of roses filled the

air with its sweet smell. Standing here, looking up at the tall imposing church, he couldn't help but wonder what he was doing here. The day was beautiful, perfect in fact, for a wedding.

Morgan's wedding. The sense of wrongness would not leave him no matter how hard he fought to make himself feel any different. He could not really blame him, not at all. He was a

closet romantic at heart; he knew that better than anyone else. The church was splendidly decorated. The central isle was decorated with small pillars, flower arrangements on top. The

long carpet was a crisp white that only seemed to lend to the overall feeling of other worldliness that seemed to encompass the church. The rays of the sun gave the entire church a soft

glow, making it magical and beautiful.

People were gathered in small groups all over the church and he quickly made his way to his unit before he decided to leave. He could not help but feel that he did not belong here,

that no one wanted him here. It was a foolish notion, the feeling that they knew-his unit. They did not know and the people who were attending from either side did not know. It was just

in his head, just in his overactive imagination. Either way he could not help but feel out of place. Elle, JJ, Hotch, and Gidean all greeted him with genuine smiles on their faces, finally happy

to see their playboy partner settled down and in love. He felt sick to his stomach knowing that Morgan had been in love before, just as much, if not more, than he was now. Only his love

was not deserved and they did not treat him as he deserved. Why? Because he had been foolish and paranoid and stupidly insecure.

The last of the guests filled the church and filed into the pews. Taking their places at the front pew he waited anxiously, nervously, a small part of him hoping that this was just a bad

dream. But as Morgan made his way up the aisle looking amazing in his crisp black suit, he felt his breath catch in his throat at the beauty of him. His heart sank as he came out of denial

and accepted that this was really happening. There was nothing he could do any more. Nothing he could say that could turn back time and take him back to before. Before when he had

been foolish enough to let go. But as always he let his insecurities get in the way of what he really wanted. He watched Morgan make his way to the front and tried to make himself look

smaller, hoping to avoid having him see him so soon. He needed some barrier, something to keep him from saying something he would later regret. Morgan froze as he saw me sitting

there with JJ, Elle, Hotch, and Gidean. A strange look came into his eyes, a mix of hope, regret, and loss. I could not bear to look at him any longer and so I looked down at my lap.

I felt more than saw him make it to the very front, where he would wait for his bride. My heart ached unbearably, air seemed to come with more difficulty and the urge to cry surfaced

once more. My heart broke all over again as I went over the last time I had really seen him, once more. No. Don't think about it, not now. I could not afford to think of such things right

now. I was afraid I would break from the ache in my heart. The pressure in my chest increased and I cried out softly. Gidean put his hand on my shoulder, "Are you alright Reid?" he

asked. No, I was not alright. "I am fine. Thank you." Ever the polite one, right? I started as the wedding march began. Looking up, the doors at the exit opened and I could see the

shadow of the woman waiting.

The crowd stood and I made haste to follow. The maids made their way down the aisle one by one, followed by the flower girls. Garcia, as the maid of honor, made her way down the

aisle next, smiling happily for her beloved Morgan. When she noticed me she stopped for a bit before remembering where she was. Her smile became forced and the look in her eyes as

she walked by made my chest tighten a bit more. Finally, she came down. She looked beautiful in white, this stranger that had taken my place. I did not know her, not her likes or dislikes.

I did not know her work habits, or ,infact, what she did for a living. What I did know was that she was beautiful. She looked like an angel down from heaven, coming to meet her prince.

Only there is no heaven, and so there are no angels to descent from heaven.

I took my eyes away from her and looked instead at Morgan. He was looking at me. _At me_. Not at her, but me. He looked at me almost as if-no. It was best not to go there. I could not

look away from him, even if I wanted to. I saw her come to him and then look at me. She looked at me strangely. She did not know me, did not know my name. She only knew that her

husband to be looked not at her but at the strange man with his unit. It was their wedding day and his eyes were on someone other than her as she walked down the aisle. She looked

at me and I saw her confusion. I looked down and the ceremony officially began.

The pastor went on about many things, but most escaped my notice. My eyes were fixed solely on the man who was about to marry. On the man I still loved with every fiber of my

being. But he had moved on and I had to accept that. That was the reason I was here, right? I was here to gain some measure of closure and finally close that particular chapter of my

life. This would be the moment where my heart would stop aching for him. the moment when I would cease to dream of him loving me, holding me, and just being there. Just as he always

had been. Just as I had always imagined he would be. But, again, that was the past and this was the present. There was no going back, no matter how he wished that he could. He

stopped that train of thought and focused on the sermon.

He kept himself from dangerous thoughts-such as taking Derek in his arms and telling him that he stilled loved him, that he would only ever love him. But as always, he lacked the

courage to fight for what he truly believed, for what he truly wanted. To tell the whole world he loved Derek and that all he wanted was to spend life with Derek at his side. But it was no

longer an option, no matter how painful it was. And no matter what, he would not wreck what Derek had build for himself. Not at a moment like this. He loved him too much, or maybe not

enough, to simply let him marry this beautiful stranger who he loved. Maybe he loved her more than him, maybe not. But that no longer mattered, it _did not_. He smiled bitterly as he tried

to make himself believe that. He knew those were not his true feelings but it was what he had to feel. He must not let memories or the overwhelming love he had for him take control. "Is

there anyone who has just reason for these two join together in holy matrimony? Speak now or forever hold your peace." The priest spoke and he jumped slightly, but noticeably to the

rest of the unit, as these words registered.

His breath caught in his throat. He looked around and found the face of Garcia, of his whole unit. They looked at him almost expectantly. He met Derek's eyes and finally a dam broke.

He shut his eyes tightly. No. he would not do this. He could not do this. He looked at Morgan and mouthed, 'I love you, and I am sorry.' He got up rapidly and headed towards the exit.

The congregation looked up at him bewildered, but all he could see was the sadness in Derek's eyes. He ached to look back, just one look. But he knew himself better than that; he knew

the workings of the mind better than that. If he looked back he would not be able to hold himself. He would tell Morgan exactly what he had been about to do prior to receiving the

wedding invitation. He would take him in his arms, crowd or not, and kiss those sweet lips. The rest would be up to him, but he did not have the courage to gamble his heart that way.

Not like Morgan. Never like Morgan. So once more he kept ran away instead of facing his fears. He walked away from Derek just as he always did.

Only this time, he knew Derek would not come after him.

--------------------------------------------------------

Well, that went well. I think. If you like it please let me know. Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Reviews are, of course, always welcomed. Thank You.

CriesOfTheFallen


End file.
